Monday, December 24, 2012

#14: the book and the reader

one fine day they were together
in a cold room, that it feels wider
searching for comfort in each other
the warmth for the seeker

but do they belong?
one can not wait for long
and from the turn of every pages
did they catch the messages?

for some time, they feel alone
close but rather torn
and think this can not go on
where does the intention lie upon?


it's not really a poem. i'm just playing with words :))
when i made it, i was thinking about me and a novel, Anna Karenina. took months for me to finish it. i remembered it was a cold day when i looked for a secondhand shop in tilburg. i didn't expect to get anything but i was so lucky that they sold this book for only 1,25 euros. the whole chapter of Anna Karenina! i bought the book immediately! long time ago, i was considering to buy this book in indonesia but they sold it in two parts and pretty expensive. so, i didn't buy it back then. but now i found that Apple sell it for free in iBooks store. cih. *dasarpelit* :))

since the day i bought that book, it was always on my bed. in tilburg, eindhoven, till jakarta. this book is really packed with characters, events and details. well, of course, it is a 804 pages book. the details on these many characters sometimes made me lost focus on who exactly the center of this book. plus, i was not reading it continuously that made it a bit hard to catch up again with those many characters and events. after i read the introduction (i read after i finished because most of the time it always contains spoilers), this book actually has two main characters. i felt i was tricked by the title!

anyway, from this book i learned about the russian aristocrat and its society life, how they really hold on to their pride and self-image. i never know that people can be that complicated and strong influenced by the society. compare to nowadays, some people don't really care about what society thinks. another chance to be thankful that i live in 21th century! an interesting part, now i know the typical russian (or eastern slavic) naming customs.

by the time i finished, the book looked like this.

i'm sorry, book! >.<

back to the poem, sometimes i feel that poets are just bunch of drama queens and kings. some of them are just exaggerating everything. especially on people who interpret the poem. you think you know what it means while probably there's no special meaning behind it. just like me, the poem is just playing with words. i remembered one joke about a line in a poem. "the curtain is blue", what do you think it means? probably the poet was sad, depressed, or else. when there is possibility that the poet just wrote that to make it rhymes with the next line or he didn't know what else to write and just wrote what had been there all along in his room. you never really know, right?

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

(heart) books

so, recently i have more time to browse about anything during work hours *uhuk*. somehow, i found a link to bookshelfporn dot com :)) at first, i thought it would be blocked because of the name but apparently not. i kept scrolling the website for some time and although most of them was just a picture of books and shelves, i really liked it. looking for some inspiration for my own future library or bookshop. well, i don't know if hard copy books will still be found by the time i have my own library/bookshop.

and i also found this:


Rory!!! oh how i miss her. and Lorelai. and other people in Gilmore Girls! as you probably know, she was such a bookworm in the series. i think she is never far enough from books. people even made a Rory Gilmore Reading Challenge :)) for me, she is one of (fictional) people that inspired me to read more books! i suddenly remember Dean's story about her. one day at school, Rory sat reading her book, so deeply that she didn't even notice a fight that happened in front of her. that was the time Dean started notice and attracted to her. awww. until now, i still thankful that i finished the Gilmore Girls series when I was in Tilburg. Thank you fast internet connection!

then i stumbled upon the underground new york public library. it was really interesting to see those pictures. i really liked the idea and the web design. besides the various fashion style, i was happy to see there were still many people read hard copy books while sitting, standing, even walking! i was also surprised when i saw many elders still read thick books. it is motivating me to read more and mooree! considering the height of unread books stack i have, now i'm trying to read a book whenever i can. currently i read two books, one i always carry it with me and one on my bed, to read before i sleep. should finish them before new year!

it is a rare scene to see people read books in public transportation in Indonesia. well, now, mostly they play with their phones or tablet. even if they have a book in their bag, i doubt it will be comfortable to read it because of the crowd. especially on weekdays, when most of the transportations are packed with people, leaving no space to open a book. but i think we still can read it if we are sitting.

few times, i saw people read a book on the bus. one in transjakarta, a young woman standing and reading her book. the bus was not too crowded but not too empty either. i found it really strange to see her like that. haha. once another young woman who sat beside me, reading Qur'an on the bus. at first, i didn't really pay any attention until i looked at how she opened the pages. I think she opened it from right to left, but read it from right to left. I guess. hmmm. maybe she was memorizing. or maybe i was wrong.

the ultimate scene was on a fine morning on my way to work when i saw, again, a young woman, took out a book from her purse. a glimpse on the title: "dzikir dan doa untuk suami idaman". now THAT's something, isn't it? :))

Thursday, November 08, 2012

#13 balada Tiang dan Bonsai

Bonsai hidup di taman belakang rumah. setiap hari disayang manusia yang punya. tak pernah kekurangan satu apa pun. tapi ada satu keinginannya, melihat dunia luar. bukan hanya sepetak halaman belakang.

bertahun-tahun, Tiang berdiri tegap di belakang pagar rumah Bonsai. sudah tua, keropos dan banyak luka. karena tinggi badannya, Tiang bisa melihat hampir seluruh komplek.

hampir setiap hari Tiang dan Bonsai bertukar cerita. tentang apa yang dilihat satu sama lain. tentang binatang-binatang melata yang ada di kebun, tentang percakapan-percakapan yang terdengar. tentang kerlip lampu yang perlahan muncul di sore hari, tentang kendaraan-kendaraan yang beriring, tentang manusia-manusia yang berkerumun di pagi dan petang.

"seandainya aku jadi kamu, Yang. aku bisa melihat semuanya dengan jelas!"
"ceritaku tak cukup untukmu, Sai?"
"cerita hanya cerita, aku harus melihatnya sendiri!"

Tiang tersenyum. "dan bagaimana caranya?"
Bonsai terdiam. "aku pun tak tahu. jadi, ceritakan lebih banyak lagi apa yang kamu lihat kepadaku, Yang!"
lalu Tiang kembali bercerita kepada Bonsai hingga malam menjelang.


suatu pagi,

"Sai, kamu udah bangun?"
"udah, Yang. ada apa?"
"tadi malam, mengerikan sekali..."
"ada apa? ada apa?" Bonsai tiba-tiba begitu bersemangat mendengar Tiang. berharap ada cerita seru lain yang akan didengarkannya.
"apa kamu tak mendengar, Sai? mereka ribut sekali," ujar Tiang.
"tidak, aku tidur terlalu nyenyak tampaknya."
"tadi malam, ada gerombolan anak muda yang kebut-kebutan. hampir saja aku tertabrak..."
Bonsai tercengang. "benarkah? apa mereka berbahaya, Yang?"
Tiang terdiam sebentar, "semoga saja mereka tidak kembali lagi malam ini."

Bonsai ikut terdiam. dan berdoa.



sunyi malam pecah dengan suara hentakan keras. Bonsai terbangun, bingung mencari asal suara.


"Tiang!" Bonsai terkejut melihat Tiang, badan Tiang miring dan memendek!

Tiang hanya bisa merintih.

"Tiang! apa yang terjadi? mengapa badanmu begitu??"

"a..ku...di..tabrak..." susah payah Tiang menjawab Bonsai.

Bonsai panik, tak tahu apa yang harus ia lakukan. ingin ia hampiri Tiang dan membantunya, tapi tak bisa.


terlihat kepulan asap muncul disekitar Tiang. suara-suara manusia bersahutan di sekitar Tiang.

"Tiaaaang!" suara Bonsai memarau.

pelan-pelan badan Tiang kian merunduk. merunduk. merunduk.


"TIAAAAAANG...KAMU HARUS BERTAHAAN!" teriak Bonsai sekuat tenaga.

kini, Bonsai tak bisa lagi melihat Tiang.

kepulan asap semakin pekat. manusia-manusia semakin riuh.


Bonsai meraung. semua seperti film bisu yang berjalan lambat.

hanya sesak terasa.


bikin apaaa gw ini =))
seharusnya dengan nama seperti tiang dan bonsai, gw bikin cerita komedi...

Sunday, October 07, 2012

Sunday, August 26, 2012

thesis: the drama

pfuuuhhhh! *blowing the dust*

Been so long. Not that i didn't write anything. I wrote, I wrote my thesis :p
For me, it was a long and painful journey. I didn't expect that many unexpected events happened along the way.

First, I started my thesis internship on February 1st and I need to finish my thesis on June 1st which means I only have 4 months. If not, I should extend my study and pay the tuition fee by myself. I don't want that. My defense was actually already scheduled on 1st of July but for the administration and reading process by the examiners then the deadline was one month before the defense.

On the first week, my manager, who interviewed me for the intern position and also being my second company supervisor, told me his resignation. I wasn't really worry back then because I still had my first company supervisor although he was a bit busier than my manager. In mid of March, my manager left the office for two weeks vacation to Bali (He loves Bali so much. He always mentioned it every time we talked). Before he left, I discussed both with my manager and my first supervisor about my topic but until end of March, I still had not figured out what my topic was. My university supervisor kept rejecting the proposed topic. I remembered I was really stressed and had dreams about thesis for days.

In early April, a sad news flew from my home town. My grandfather passed away. This was the third time I couldn't attend my grandparents funeral. I felt grateful that I met him in the summer break last year. That was the last time I saw him. Finally by the end of April, the topic was settled. But I got a little surprise from my university supervisor: he could not supervise me until end of May because of his overloaded work. Great.

In early May, I heard the news that my manager passed away, he got a heart attack in Bali. I know that people come and go, but this was too weird for me. I mean, somebody that I used to see everyday, he was gone now.  For some time, it didn't feel real.

With the time I had left, I wrote my thesis everyday. But then, I still couldn't make it on June 1st. I asked for a deadline extension and they gave me until the third week of June. A bit relieved, I tried to finish it on time. On the third week, I managed to deliver my final thesis to my university supervisor. Then I was starting to worry about my defense.

In my program, they arranged the defense in Greece. The defense was held before a one week summer school and the graduation day after the summer school. My family were planning to come too for my graduation day. After that, we will travel together. It looked like a good plan, but on the defense day...

I didn't pass.
Yes, I failed my defense.
I could not graduate that week.
I could not get my diploma.
They said I needed to work more for my thesis.
For several days, I still felt that this was just a dream. A very very very bad dream. But the reality slapped me again every time. It was real.

I was really sad and shocked. I never heard people failed their master defense. But it happened to me. What made it even sadder was the fact that my family flew from Indonesia to attend my graduation day. And I didn't graduate.

Could it be worse?

O yeah.

My university supervisor went on vacation right after the summer school for one month. Oh well.

Back from Greece, I was still a bit shocked. Every morning I still need to wake up, go to work, and write my thesis. It was hard to get up on my feet again. But I had no choice, I needed to push myself and put myself back together.

Long story short, I managed again to deliver my thesis and they arranged my second the defense on August 17th. So, in 1945, Indonesia claimed their independence from the Dutch government. In 2012, I passed my defense and officially deregistered from a Dutch university. Such an epic day.

Everything happened so fast, sometimes I still can't believe I finished my master.

Anyway, finally everything worked out well and I'm home again.
Waiting for whatever tomorrow will bring.

Sunday, March 04, 2012


the eleventh challenge is to write a short biography of myself. cited from wikipedia,
a biography is a detailed description or account of someone else's life. It entails more than basic facts (education, work, relationships, and death), biography also portrays the subject's experience of those events. ....a biography presents the subject's life story, highlighting various aspects of his or her life, including intimate details of experience, and may include an analysis of the subject's personality.
at first, i did not know what to write because this blog is kinda already show how my life is. but then i realized i have not talked about how i feel about europe after one and half years. in the future, if i will write my own biography, this part of my life definitely will be on it. so, here it goes.

coming to europe obviously made me a minority. living as minority made me more respect to other people. what i mean respect is, i highly tolerate people's behavior and thoughts. it's their life, depends on themselves. actually, i don't really like that excuse, but i'll write about it more later.
it also made me more cautious about the food. i believe that we are what we eat. back in Indonesia, i just assumed that everything is halal while probably it is still in question. here, i try to eat only halal food. some places are not very easy to get halal food. i never found any halal meat in crete, thus i only ate seafood or eggs. i know that some people say there's rukshah or flexibility (? i dont know what the right word in english) for us if we can't find halal food then just eat as long as it is not pork. but, for me, it feels like i'm being too weak. well, i'm not fond of red meat, so it's not really a big problem.
but in netherlands, or any other countries which has many muslims, it is veeeery easy to get halal food. if i live in this country and i eat non-halal food, that's just unreasonable. and super lazy.
another thing i found difficult is looking for place for shalah. there are some mosques in netherlands but in unstrategic location. while in germany, i can't tell where mosque is because it usually not publicly known. it becomes more tricky in autumn-winter because the day is shorter and the time between dhuhr and ashr is really close. it's difficult if i want to go somewhere in the city during the day. not so much time to do if i don't want to missed shalah. but the bright side, i should make a fast decision, especially for shopping :p
this is one thing sometimes i take for granted. i'm grateful that i can find mushalla or mosque easily in indonesia.  
this made me thinking about various events that happened in Indonesia lately, especially about the clash between religions. probably they should try change places and feel how to live as the opposite side.   

Monday, February 27, 2012


favorite type of literature? of course, fiction!
fiction gives people freedom to imagine things. some can be really absurd and some can feel so real.
i like realistic fiction more than fantasy.
i like the dialogues, the conflicts, the dramas, mysteries, ups and downs in a book.
drag me to another kind of life, the one that i probably never have before.
sometimes the character fits me well and see it as myself living in the book.
it's interesting to compare my own life with the book. what would i do if i'm in that situation? am i going to take the same decision? am i going to have the same reaction?

i tried to read non-fiction books but usually i get bored easily. :p i need something more than just collection of facts, hypothesis, and explanation. biography is acceptable. but wait, blog can be categorized as non-fiction and i like reading it. newspapers, articles, histories are non-fiction too. i read them too.


probably what i like more is the one with plot and conflicts, either categorize as fiction or non-fiction.

i think this one also for number 17.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

volgende station: eindhoven

after a long and winding road to find an internship, finally i ended up in this so-called city of light. everything happened so fast, that i only had two weeks to prepare my internship. luckily, i found a very nice place that close to the office. it's a little bit far from the city center and train station but it's fine, that's what bike is for :D

 so long, tilburg

it was really nice to live in tilburg, a quite city. no rush, no traffic jam. i would love to live in this kind of city when i get old.

it's been three weeks since i switched from a full-time student to a full-time employee. sometimes, i missed being a student. just sit in the class and go home. although what i do is working on my thesis, it was not that bad since i got paid for it :p

on my first week here, snow finally came to Netherlands. i was on my desk when i suddenly started feeling a little bit chill. i looked at the window and the snow was falling, slowly. that's the thing i like when it snows. it seems so soft and peaceful. 

and i realized, this could be my last snow.

Thursday, January 26, 2012


sengaja ngepost hari ini biar umurnya sama ama tanggal postingan. haha.

genap sudah seperempat abad saya menghirup udara dunia. tua atau muda itu relatif, yang penting terus menerus memperbaiki diri.


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Monday, January 16, 2012

Monday, January 09, 2012

tot straks

the time has come, the time to move out from this dorm.
looking at this empty room, surprisingly, small part of me feels kinda sad.

and the uncertainty ahead, makes it even more.

i need to watch a funny movies.